WorkingOnTechnique: Candids.

While keeping Kayleigh everyday, I have the amazing opportunity to have a "live-in-model" for my new camera!
For those who know anything about cameras, I have an 18-55 lens that came with the camera. This is a normal lens, one that would be similar to a point-and-shoot lens (as far as how far it will zoom and all that good stuff). The other lens I have, one that did NOT come with the camera, is my 55-200 lens. This is more of a long range lens, a zoom lens if you will. This lens is good for sports games, zoo animals that are far away, and, as you will see, candids.
I like sitting back and watching things happen, and taking pictures when no one is posing. Seeing the true laughter in life, not the forced... especially with children... it's the best!

just put that last one in there because it couldnt get much more puppy-precious...


from the new camera....

as promised...
some pictures from the new Nikon D60! Pictures from Bicentennial Gardens in Greensboro, Memorial Day (mainly pictures of Rachel, hubby's cousin's little girl), and pictures of my hubby, Sophie, and Kayleigh!


there's just something about it.

Yesterday, my parents and I went to a funeral visitation of a girl I went to daycare (from birth to 4) and Elementary School (K5-4th Grade) with. Sarah.

It was a different experience to say the least...

Going to a visitation of someone your age, someone you grew up with, someone you still kept in touch with (the Internet is truly a blessing... ie: facebook/myspace).

To date, besides infants, Holly was the youngest person I had ever witnessed pass away. Yes, that experience was horrible. Devastating. Grief-Stricken. Not to make Holly's death ANY lighter, because it still gets to me, every once in a while. But Holly was different. Cancer is different. There's a part of you that, when a cancer victim dies, says "she's no longer in pain, cancer is no longer hurting her." As sad as it may be, you know, deep down, she's feeling WAY better now than she was.

This one, this visitation, was different. I guess because it was shocking. We were unprepared. She had plans. (not that Holly didn't by any means) But Sarah had plans for the NEXT day. Sarah wasn't in the fighting the battle of her life, against one of the worst diseases on the face of the planet. No, Sarah was fine. This visitation was different.

When driving into the parking lot of the funeral home yesterday, I had this feeling come over me. "Why am I here?" "Are we sure it's her?" "The same Sarah?" Cause the Sarah I knew was just talking to me LAST THURSDAY on Facebook about the Season Finale of Grey's Anatomy. The Sarah I knew was a budding photographer, a lover of children, a student at SCAD. The Sarah I knew was alive and well. Then that feeling turned into "Am I really here for this?"

Not to make deaths of the elderly any lighter, because those situations are usually devastating as well, but there's something about seeing someone your age laying in a casket.
There's just something about it.

One Month Early...

For a while now, I had been wanting a new camera... a camera of my own... (the camera I was currently using was my mom's old Olympus E-300 Evolt... don't get me wrong. great. camera.)

I have had my heart set on a Nikon. Preferably not a D40 because I wanted more than 6 mega pixels, but anything higher... yes!

The hubby and I had been discussing it for the past couple of months and Saturday, around a month BEFORE my birthday, we decided to go camera shopping. Since I already knew what I wanted, and I've been labeled a very impatient person, we got one. That. Day.

After going to our local Ritz Camera Store and Best Buy (who didn't know JACK about cameras... the lady literally said "there it is" when I expressed my interest in the D60.), we quickly went back to the Ritz Camera Store.

And... here it is! And I got this too! But what I really want is.... this.... ((salivating)) :)

Thanks Hubby!!!!

And if you're wondering why I got it NOW, instead of June.... ahem... 19th... hint. hint....

I am photographing a birthday on June 6th and engagement photos in the next month, so getting used to it is first on my priority list! And that I shall HAVE to do! I have SOOO much to learn. Aperture this, Shutter Speed that, P, M, A, S.... ugh.... So exciting!

The goal now is to get some much needed practice in, put together a portfolio, and work on some off-and-on portrait jobs! Kids, Engagement, Bridal, Family... come on!

Pictures coming soon, but putting it off for fear of dying of boredom while uploading...


So... a take on MckMama's post like this one....My Hubby is:

~ a husband, a son, a grandson, a father to an angel ~

~ a "never met a stranger" kind of person ~

~ a "give up the shirt off your back" kind of person ~

~ a movie-watching, dvr loving, espn-obsessed kind of person ~

~ a sports person... no particular one... it.doesnt.matter. ~

~ a patient, loving, caring, sensitive kind of person ~

~ an animal loving, outdoor craving, athletic playing kind of person ~

~ a "make the most out of any situation" kind of person ~

~ an amazingly wonderful person ~

[the person I cant wait to come home to.... wake up next to...

have a child with... spend the rest of my life with...]



typical disclaimer: it you don't want to read this stuff, the personal stuff... move along!!! haha... well i guess i wont be that blunt, but then again.... sometimes this is "for me" not "for you"....

When reading the book "Empty Arms" by Pam Vredevelt (given to me by my Nana's Pastor's wife) I finally reached the part talking about "People's Blunders."

As I have alluded to in previous posts, this has been the worst part for me. One month later (as of yesterday) it still is. It seems to me like I'm doing great until someone says, "Don't worry you'll have more!", "Well you're young!", "It's all for the best!", "When God wants you to have a child, it will be the right time and it'll happen then.", etc etc etc... or "Did you have an abortion? Is that what they do when you lose a baby?" grrrr....

Now, with the exception of my last example, most of these things ARE true. Yes, it will happen in God's timing. Yes, I have NO doubt in my mind I WILL have more. Yes I am young... thank you. And I'm sure one day, down the road, I will look back and realize why this happened.... at this time... to me. But it still doesn't mean i want to hear it... not today.

There's a spot in the book I am reading that captured my thoughts and put things into perspective in words i would have never put together:

"I got so angry with people who devalued my child just because it wasn't a full-term baby. They didn't feel it was that traumatic because they had never actually seen it. Some remarks from friends made me feel like I shouldn't be grieving so much... that my baby really wasn't a person, so I should move on with life and forget about it."

I could have put the book down right then and there... I didn't need to read any more. That chapter right there helped me ALOT. I no longer felt like I was being the "incredibly sensitive person" that I am, always have been, and always will be. Other people have been hurt by these comments, these blunders...

Mother's Day wasn't my favorite day, it wasn't the greatest, but it wasn't the worst day either.

I have been struggling with the question: "Am I a Mother?"

Yes - I was pregnant.
Yes - I had a child - my child - in my belly.
Yes - I knew I was pregnant and got excited for over one month, and though measuring small, my child was 8 weeks and 1 day.
Does that make me a mother?

No - I never got to feel my child kick, never got to hold my child, never got to kiss my child.
No - I never got to hear my child, not even the heartbeat (though we did see that!)
No - (besides the "Lima bean like" blob on the first ultrasound) I never got to see my child.
Does that make me not a mother?

I feel less of a mother (if in fact I am one) than those who gave birth to their child or children and have them pass away in the NICU, or minutes after birth... they are mothers.
Or even those who passed the line of miscarriage to preemie and gave birth to an angel, a still born... they are mothers.

Most people steered clear of Mother's Day related comments on Sunday, and that's okay... probably for the best. Just hugs, "I hope you're doing okay," the usual. I even dressed up, fixed my hair, got all prettied up, and... wait for it... wore heels instead of flip flops! I think it was a tactic... a distraction.
There were still a few little comments that, needless to say, added a little salt in the wound. You know, the one's implying that it would be fitting to wish me a Happy Mother's Day because my dog Sophie still "counts" as me being a mommy. You know, I would have rather not been spoken to in that case. If you're not sure what to say, give me a hug and move on... :)

Regardless of my personal "mother status", I am still unbelievably thankful for the mother figures in my life.

My Mommy: (I don't think I'll ever stop calling her "mommy") whom I am blessed beyond believe to have raised me, and now that I'm older, lend a listening ear even when I might go on and on...

My Grandma: someone who would literally give everything she had to see that I am happy, and someone who has more love for my husband and I than one could ever imagine.

My Mother-In-Law: who in the end, when it came down to it, would always be there... even if we moved to China. :)

My Nana: who if I could be even half of the woman, wife, mother, Christian, and Nana she is, my life would have been fulfilled and blessed to the highest measure.

We still are, through it all, truly truly blessed, and for that I am thankful.


Chicken Garlic Onion Pizza = YUM

I've never made a "homemade" pizza. It was definitely a store bought pizza crust, but the rest was "hand assembled"! It was yummy!!! And of course... pictures were taken...

A Bubbly Kind of Day

Last week, during the beautiful weather (and every day, rain or shine, since then) Kayleigh and I have had bubble time. (Or... "Can we go out and play bubbles" as Kayleigh would say!)

Sophie apparently thinks they're "balls" so she "catches/pops" every one of them... its quite amusing!

i know she looks vicious... but it was actually quite cute!!!
And... just a note: Bubbles are REALLY hard to focus the camera on!!!

Kayleigh Pictures.

I have been informed that it's been an unreasonable amount of time since i have posted sooooo....

My favorite hobby would have to be taking pictures.... i have enjoyed so much having Kayleigh at my house as my constant model... and on top of that she LOVES having her picture taken! Here's some recent photography practice!