I've Learned.

My little guy will be 5 weeks old tomorrow. Here in the last week, he's started locking eyes with me. In the past couple of days, he's started smiling at me when i talk to him. That, my friends, is the most amazing, best feeling in the entire world.

There are so many things I've learned in the past 5 weeks:

- I've learned that motherhood is faking that you know what you're doing and trying things until you find one that works. Most of the time, I feel like I'm "flying by the seat of my pants." :)

- I've learned that your "gut" works. If you feel that's what you need to do, as a mother, you should probably do it. If you feel that's the right way to burp him, if you feel that it's time for some gas medicine, if you feel that he needs more food and that's why he's screaming bloody murder, you're probably right. And, if you're not, then you'll learn.

- I've learned that you will make mistakes. I've learned that most mistakes aren't going to hurt anything. You just live and you learn, and you remember not to do it again!

- I've learned that it's okay for him to cry.

- I've learned that it's the best feeling in the world when someone gives him back to me and he's instantly comforted.

- I've learned that, while a schedule is important, (and we HAVE gotten him on one) he doesn't always stick to it. And that's okay.

- I've learned, now that he's gained his weight back, never to wake him to eat. He'll be okay. :)

- I've learned that (not that I was on time before he was born) it takes me A LOT longer to get out the door now that he's here.

- I've learned how to do so many things with a baby in one hand.

- I've learned that sometimes, you've got to just laugh.

- I've learned that if anyone else on this entire earth peed, pooped, or spit up on me, I'd be ticked. But him... not so much. haha :)

- I've learned that getting through 2 outfits a day is a good day... and poop does not come out with Dreft. or OxiClean. :-/

- I've learned that I will never understand how a single mom could do this. Because of my husband's work schedule, I am like a "single mom" some days. He leaves for work at 5 pm, gets home around 7:00-7:30 am, sleeps until 2:30-3:00 pm, and has to leave for work again at 5 pm. Those days, we only have about 2 hours with him. That includes him showering, getting ready, and us fixing dinner. Those days are hard. Really hard. I could not, and I repeat, could NOT imagine doing this every day, and not having a light at the end of the tunnel. I can always look forward to the days that he is off, I never have more than three days in a row where he's "on." I am so thankful that my husband has a job. He works SO hard so that I don't have to. Right now, I am a stay at home mom, and that would NEVER happen without him and his drive to provide for our family. I could never thank him enough, and I don't thank him enough. He is my heart. Well, now he shares it with another little guy, but I think he's okay with that. :)

- I've learned that I've never, in my entire life, needed my mother more. I don't care how tired I am of visitors coming over (while this has quieted down now), I can always use my mommy coming over. I have never desired her to be with me, to help me, to talk to me, to laugh with me, to cry with me more than I have in the past five weeks. When she's not with me, I miss her. When she is with me, I am comforted. I don't think any one could understand the bond there is between a mother and a daughter, unless you've felt it yourself. I couldn't imagine going through this without her here. I've never been more thankful to have her in my life. Ever. This thing that I've learned, has been the most surprising to me. I never thought I would run back to her, as I have. There's just something about it. Unexplainable. :)

- Finally. I've learned that I LOVE being a mommy. I've always knew I would, and I've always wanted to be a mommy. I've also learned that being a mommy is in no way easy. On one hand, it comes naturally, but on the other hand, though I've known so much about babies, there are still so many things that I'm dumbfounded over. (which goes back to the "flying by the seat of your pants" thing) It's crazy to think that this is going to be my life from now on. I'm never going to to go back to not having a child. I no longer come first. Andrew and I no longer come first. He comes first. Life has changed.

I've learned that it's amazing.


one month old!

Nate is ONE MONTH OLD today!

here are some pictures from his "month by month" album.
"I'm One Month Old!"

"I'm falling Mommy!"

"oops, i fell."
"ok, let's be serious."

I can't believe he's already one month old!!! The whole "it goes by so fast" cliche, is true!

Well, except for those nights where Andrew's at work and he's screaming and it's in the middle of the night and I'm all by myself... then it goes by REALLY slow... haha!!!

Oh yeah, that whole "I couldn't imagine my life without you" cliche... yeah, that's true too.


my big boy...

isn't he just so flippin' cute?!?!


The Labor Story

The Labor Story.

before epidural.
before epidural. oh, no he didn't.
Right before I started pushing... and after epidural. (notice. the. happiness.)
He's Here!
Nana. :)
Daddy cutting the cord
handing him to me for the first time.... ♥
meeting our son.
ahhh.... our little family.

i have been soooo slack!!! .... no wait... i have a newborn. haha...

so. the labor story.

March 17th was my due date. nothing. oh, how frustrating this was.

March 18th we went out for the weekly trip to eat Mexican. We had come to terms with the fact that, since we ate spicy food so often, it would do nothing to "induce" labor. (as the wives tales speak of)

March 19th I woke up around 5:30 to go to the restroom, not an uncommon thing in the middle of the night/morning. I laid back down in the bed and stretched all the way out and felt a "pop"... nothing major, nothing hurt, but then i felt something wet. I looked at Andrew, my husband, and said "Honey, I swear I didn't just pee in my pants!" So, I got up and went to the bathroom, sure enough, a little trickle. Nothing huge, no gush or anything like that. I didn't know what it was, because you always hear about your water breaking being a BIG occurrence, but this wasn't so. All of the sudden (mind you I had never had ANY contractions) I started having contractions 3 minutes apart. No, 15, 10, 7, 5, lets go to the hospital... every THREE MINUTES from the start. Wow, that was rough. I called my mom and was scared to go to the hospital because i knew everyone would get out of bed and rush up there... I didn't want everyone to get there and have to go home because it wasn't the "real thing." Next thing i knew, Andy had the bags in hand and was ready to walk out the door. We went to the hospital, myself asking for an epidural before we even arrived, and went to triage. They checked me there and I was at four centimeters and about 80% effaced. Wow. What a let down. If I was only at four now, what was to come? I had been at three centimeters for almost 2 weeks!!! My water "officially" broke in triage, and we were admitted to a room. To say that I was "unpleasant" would probably be an understatement. My husband, my Mom, and my Aunt Leann (my dad's sister) were all in the room with me throughout delivery. Mom and Andy were always going to be there, but we added my Aunt to take pictures because my mom thought she would be to distracted... probably a good decision now that we look back on it. I wouldn't have had it any other way. I had the best people in there with me!

I got the epidural... what a Godsend. Who knows what time this was... point is, I got it. Everyone came in to see me after that, time (for us) went by really fast, but I hear the waiting room crew thought differently... haha!!! They came probably around 11, not really sure, and checked me and I was still at 4, maybe 4 1/2... so we waited. They gave me a slight, slight bit of pitocin since my water had broken hours ago. Around 1:00-1:30 pm, they checked me and I was at 9. In a little over an hour, I had gone from 4 centimeters to 9 centimeters! Wow! We were SHOCKED. They said to anticipate about a centimeter an hour, so we definitely weren't expecting anything that quick! About 2:45 I started pushing. The epidural, and I cant stress this enough, was AMAZING. I was in relatively no pain throughout. The whole day, we were laughing and watching basketball... because, HELLO, the NCAA tourney was on! During pushing, I would be in between contractions, and one time I said "well, daggum, Clemson's gonna lose this game!" haha... everyone was shocked that I was pushing out a baby, and still could watch basketball! We even had Dr. Ross watching! Oh yeah, my doctor was Dr. Kendra Ross, and nurse was named Catherine... she was AMAZING. We couldn't have asked for a better nurse. I pushed for about an hour and a half... and....

At 4:15 pm, my little man, Nathaniel Ray Downer was born.
He was 9 pounds 2 ounces and 22 inches long.

That day, the greatest thing in the entire world happened to me.
I became a mommy.